~Thoughts on Shedding This Outer Garment~

The last few weeks, I've had this picture in my mind, & on my heart...
...Have you ever seen that image online, or on a show, where the obese woman tears open the fat suit she's wearing & a slim, happyy woman climbs out, radiant & healthy?
I've been trying to see this, but have been having a difficult time picturing it...me, totally free of this obesity~
~In part, perhaps, because my entire adult life, I've been obese....but there are also other reasons...
I've been praying about this, asking God to help me be ready for it, as it happens, remembering a time i started losing weight once {many years ago now} & one night, was walking down the street in Vancouver, & a steady stream of men were smiling at me, flirting with me, trying to engage me in conversation...
...i remember like it was yesterday, it suddenly hit me, hard...i felt so small...tiny, even...& so vulnerable...
...exactly like all the times i was a child & was sexually, physically, & emotionally abused....I re-gained all i had lost in record time, & then some...
..When i was young, as much as i was developed at age 11 {...borrowed my mom's 38DD bra, & it was too small...*blush*...} i remember realizing that, if i just got a little bigger, overall, I'd be able to look much older, & could escape the hell my life had become... ...so i began eating...& eating...& getting bigger...& i left home at 12, looking old enough to get into bars (with make-up, the right clothes, & attitude, of course...the drinking age here in Canada is 19...)
...& i weighed 185 lbs by the time i was 21, & had my son, Joshua, who died when i was 9 months pregnant...& was 225 lbs by the time i married, at 25...& weighed 325 lbs at age 30, after my pregnancy with my now 11 year old daughter...& my highest weight ever was...{not that long ago...gulp...here goes}...399 lbs...{I can't believe I posted that!!!} (I'll post an update on wednesday, weigh-in day...)
...& so I've been praying & pondering, seeking, until i found the answer...& here is the one He's given me... http://www.andiesisle.com/icanonlyimagine.html
I've always heard the analogy that our body is like a car, & when we enter it, we will one day leave it again...it's our spirit that is who we really are, that uses these 'vehicles' for however long we're here, (which could be a looooong time, which is why RAW living is so smart!)...
...well, this afternoon, i went to that link, & sat weeping at my computer, {as i always do when I listen to/watch it, in such deep anticipation} but this time, it was something more,& different!
I could suddenly see it!!! I could see it!!! Me slim, healthy, radiant, dancing again, free of the weight of my past, finally totally free of the burdens I'm still learning to bring to Him...somehow God made it clear to me that He sees me as He created me to be...& loves me as i am, but sees me with eyes of faith, as He wants me to see myself...
Something has completely changed...i no longer feel double-minded about it...( the Bible says that a double-minded person is unstable in all their ways...) I feel free of the last lingering fears that've had me accepting my obesity, & I'm ready now, finally, completely, to let go of it...to 'climb out of this fat suit', & let who I truly am inside shine through once more...
...I see now that it's just like when my time here on earth is done, & I see my Lord face to face, & enter into His presence joyfully, i just know i will dance freely, in my resurrected body, unhindered, worshipping Him with my entire being! & i want to know the liberty to do that now, here on earth! (My #1 weightloss goal!)
One of my favorite verses comes to mind, "Perfect love casts out fear!" Once more, God has answered my prayers in such an unexpected way~
Here's a picture of 2 of my sisters & I, when i was about 20...(...I had nothing to wear to go to the park so made the outfit out of a sheet the night before they came to visit! Lol!)
It's kinda the picture i have of myself once more being~ In God's perfect time~