~So Many Different Things~

The more I get focused on my top priorities, the more everything else going on in my life cries out for attention, feeling neglected, demanding my time like a spoiled child who can never get enough....but for too long now, I've succumbed to the call of the tyranny of the urgent, allowing the incessant cries to drown out the still small voice within.
No more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have decided that, aside from nurturing mine {& Hannah's} faith, & getting my house & finances in order, getting healthy has GOT to be be my top priority for awhile, until I can handle doing all the other things again that call to me without them pulling me off course, distracting & draining me of the strength & ability to do what i need to do each day to regain my health.

I'm going to have to lay things aside, learn to say no convincingly, set limits on how my time is spent, & not allow others to pressure, manipulate, or guilt trip me when i can't do what they want/expect/assume I'll do just because they ask. (Not that i have a bunch of people in my life that do this, anymore, but still, they seem to find me...& i recognize that I'm vulnerable to it...)

As a Christian, I need to balance this with being led by the Spirit to do what He has for me to do each day, & maintaining a servant's heart, & a willingness to lay down my life for others.

I just have a very hard time sometimes not taking on more than i can physically handle, & then i have no strength to do what i need to do....pacing myself. I've been a go-getter & hard-worker all my life {as I've read many with FM are...or, were...} & each year I've been able to do less & less, it's been very disorienting. it's time to get my equilibrium back...& that isn't going to happen, I'm realizing, until getting healthy stays at the top of the list for many, many months~

As the weight is finally starting to come off again, I'm realizing that my weight has never yo-yo'd in my life until i began going raw at the start of 2006, & that, already, i can feel that it's very hard on the body to fluctuate, & I need consistent weight-loss or at least stop yo-yo-ing to be healthy, or even have any kind of maintenance of the health level I'm at now~

I remember reading that it's much harder on the body to yo-yo than to be obese! Now i know in my body for sure that it's definitely true! Each time I've lost then re-gained weight this year, going back & forth with raw, I've felt weaker, & have lost muscle mass. No more!

Yesterday i saw a gastric bypass being done (on TV), it was so unnatural what they do, & so gross, especially when they explained exactly how one could die from the surgery (if the stomach's not 100% closed, & the stomach acid, which is highly corrosive, leaks into the abdominal cavity...)

One woman, who weighed about what i weigh, (but had no muscle tone, could barely walk, etc.) gave up her daughter because she could no longer look after her, & also to check into a hospital to get free of her food addictions (for a long period of time!) so they'd be willing to do the surgery on her...it was so heartbreaking, but then i thought, "Wow, how far away from not being able to look after Hannah am I?" She already has to do more for herself than I'd like, & I know it's affected her in various ways. I cannot allow this struggle to continue, I'm committed to pressing on daily to victory, no matter the cost!

I will never, ever consider the surgery. Not just cuz i know RAW is the answer, but also, because i know it's not a true solution, & is damaging to the body in so many ways! I have 2 cousins who had it, & they only lost some of their weight, then eventually gained much of it back, as many do...

...what i am (finally) considering is weighing in every day, recording my food & exercise daily, & gettin' more scientific & accountable about this, even if there ain't much traffic here...hey, it's workin' for Valerie! She's doin' great, & such an inspiration to me to keep going, day by day! (Thanks, Valerie!)

I've hesitated to go too low-cal, or just do smoothies, (though it's clearly working for her!) but as I'm able to afford the ingredients, I'm going to increase how many i do, & do as many as i can, {& some days, nothing but} & do fit-day so i can monitor my caloric intake (I've watched my metabolism slow right down on too few, numerous times}
it's time to get things movin' a little bit faster!
I'm off to make a smoothie now, then do some exercise!
{...& then MORE unpacking, of course!}