~Future Biggest Loser~

I've been going through a lot of pain the last while, getting back to exercise...my FM has been flaring up, big-time, & my back & feet have been spasming & throbbing, & it's sooo hard to push myself to be on my feet, even, never mind exercising! But I look at the consequences of NOT pushing myself, & realize I HAVE to just get through the pain to the other side, it's never going to just stop on it's own, & the weight will be too slow to come off if I don't get & keep moving! I have had to slow down a little, & break it up more, though, but I know it's going to take awhile.
I've been thinking about ALL the ways my obesity has caused me pain...in my marriage, in limiting my parenting, in my relationships with family & friends, in my sharing my music with those I know I'm meant to, but too self-conscious to...most of all, with being an effective witness for Christ, & being healthy enough to get out & share the Good News (that's what "Gospel" means) with those I'm sent to...I've missed numerous opportunities, & haven't followed through on 'divine appointments' due to my health limitations, which I know are aggrevated greatly by my obesity.
One time, I was discussing my faith with someone, & she flat out said to me, "Why should I even listen to you? Doesn't the Bible say that gluttony & slothfulness are sins?!?" (This is the assumption that most have of anyone overweight, though it's clearly not always the cause.)
Though this hurtful reaction occurred right after my son died when I was 9 months pregnant, & I wasn't even obese at the time, just overweight,& mainly in my tummy, but it really hurt me, & interfered with my reaching out to certain people (mainly young, slim women, as she was) & contributed to my allowing my weight to hinder me.
Lately, the biggest affect my obesity has had on me is that it hinders my ability to go out & do things regularily. I can handle every other, or every third day...it always takes a day or two to recover, even from a short jaunt...I can still recall when Hannah was little, before the FM, walking 16 blocks to the library, playground, & physio, then walking home afterwards, pushing the stroller with Hannah in it...I long for that kind of vitality again, though I was obese even then. Just to be able to walk as much as I want or need to will bring such freedom!
It's looking more & more like Hannah will be going to the Christian school, & no longer homeschooling, & I want to be able to go to her events, & be able to sit without being in major pain. I'll also be walking her to the bus stop each morning, it's on a busy street, & I don't want her going there & waiting alone, especially in the winter, when it's still dark. Right now, when I get up in the morning, I'm so stiff, sore & in pain that i don't know if I can do it...& school's only a few weeks away! But that's my next goal!
So for all that my obesity has already cost me, I'm not willing to let it go on robbing me, hindering me, costing me more than I even know! I'm fighting it, tooth & nail!
I'm determined to press on through the pain, & reverse the damage done, as much as possible...& I'm wholeheartedly pursuing the goal of experiencing health, vitality & strength in my body, & the freedom to go where I'm sent, do all I'm meant to do, & get on with the things waiting for me as i shed my fat-suit!
I've been thinking about the new season of "Biggest Loser" that's about to start, & how they're pushed through the pain, & their limits, & I've decided that I'm going to follow along with this season's episodes, & start the serious pushing when they do, & follow along week to week with them, tracking my progress with theirs, with the goal of being the Biggest Loser out of all of them, on raw foods! Until then, I'm going to work my way up to that level of intensity, & prepare for that level of commitment with the physical part of things.
Now I just need to find the digital camera, so I can monitor my progress with pics & video's!
I'm excited to get more concrete in my goals,& to anticipate what the changes will lead to!