~Surrendering~

it's been very unsettling, not knowing where we'll be moving, even which city our new home'll be in...much as we love being here, & would like to stay, it may be that the only door that opens in where my sis lives...(the door to Vancouver seems to have closed...for now?)
I've been losing too much sleep over it, & allowing myself to have conversations about it coming from a place of fear, but I KNOW that God has a place for us, & will lead me there, if I just seek, ask, wait...so that's what I've been doing...surrendering....again.
God's been bringing things to the surface, peeling back more layers of my life, getting down to the core...{I love how the Holy Spirit is called "the counsellor", & "the comforter"...He really has been mine!} I've been facing my feeling of being 'homeless' since I left home at 12, wandering, never one place more than a few years, often way less than that...the first time I ever really felt at home was when I married, but not even 6 years later, I was a single mom, on my own with a newborn, starting over.
It's kinda like how it's been with my health...facing things, starting over, healing in layers...as I'm going deeper, as He's healing me more, I'm feeling all the feelings I numbed out for years with comfort foods, & my heart feels so RAW (ok, pun intended!) & vulnerable & yet more open than before to going deeper...but still, cautious.
I love how, when I stay 100% raw, I feel stronger, not just physically, but emotionally, day by day...I haven't exactly felt it's opposite (weak) but more just quite careful who I'm too open with (I've always tended towards being too open, sharing too much, & still have a hard time curbing that, so I've been more selective of who I leave myself vulnerable to...)
I'm able to speak the truth in love more...not just blurt it out, only thinking of what I need to say, & forgetting about the other person's feelings...I feel more alive, the more I eat living, whole foods...more compassionate to others & the struggles they face, knowing how much going raw would help them, yet knowing that changing eating habits is almost as tough for most folks as changing their religion!
All this is really just trying to say that, though I've been struggling lately to stay raw, (financially, & emotionally) as soon as I return to it, I see the huge difference it makes to my life in so many ways, {& so quickly, too!} & learn, once more, that this really is God's highest will for me, for my health's RAWstoration, & for my future! I can't see ever goin' back!!! So even though I gained a few pounds back the last week or so, only being partially raw, it's ok, I'm back in the saddle again!
{And one day I'll be light enough to go ride a real horse with Hannah! That's my goal for hopefully next summer/fall!}