The Veiw of the mountains from this valley I've chosen...

I've been praying more lately about the place I've been lingering in with my health.
I see now that I'm in a valley, & am beginning to see much clearer how the Lord is allowing,
even orchestrating these stops & starts I have struggled through in order to continue the deeper work He's been doing in my life, & in my walk with Him.
It's all, still, more about dying to self, choosing to live in the spirit rather than led by the flesh, & the difficulties with consistancy I've continued having are tied in with my ongoing resistance to living a continually crucified life.
This is a sin that I have struggled with in every area of my life, I confess,
{though I have gained victory over it in some areas, by the grace of God...}
He has shown me, clearly, how to care for this temple of His Holy Spirit, but I have wavered,
not fully, whole-heartedly obeying, & I know we reap what we sow...
...whatever the reasons...it almost doesn't even really matter what the reasons are,
(...though He reveals them as they need to be exposed, healed, released...)
All that truly matters, in the long run, is am I going to have eyes to see, ears to hear?
And am I willing to die to even this?
Or am I going to wallow, & allow the past to hinder my obedience?
Will I make more excuses, & continue the struggle...?
SELF would have me focus in on all the reasons...
...but He's leading me to just lay them all down, at the foot of the cross, & repent.
(I know that He would not ask something of me
that He hasn't made provision for me to do, I know...)
Philippians 3:12-14 Pressing Toward the Goal
"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected;but I press on,
that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do,
forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,
I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
I remember, again, what a brother once told me,
that when we are 'struggling' with something, it is always
(whatever the 'other' reasons)
because God is trying to remove something from our lives,
& we are trying to hold on...
...I know what to do to have health again...
(I could write books about it by now!)
...& I know what He has called me to...
...but I begin, then falter...I walk awhile, then end up in a ditch, again...
...but in retrospect, each time I do, I glance back fro a moment
& see that I have walked further than last time...
...& I stay for a shorter duration in the mud & danger...
...& by His grace I am a wee bit stronger, able one more time to climb back out & press on...

...so Father, help me over these brambles!
Help me climb back up to the light of day,
to the light of the truth you've so graciously revealed to me
about my part in my health's restoration,
so I can serve you with ALL of my strength,
as never before, no longer weak & limited by my flesh,
but truly living the crucified life you call your disciples to walk,
wholeheartedly devoted to your purposes,
disciplined in my living in every area,
able to go wherever you send me,
prepared to endure the hardness of the days to come
without being hindered by the weaknesses of my flesh
that I myself have caused.
Without you, I can do NOTHING,
but with you, Lord, I know I can do ALL things!!!
Amen!